


K Is For Ketchup

by SK_Kasai



Series: The A-Z of One Lucifer Morningstar [11]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Dan is being a douchey asshole, Established Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, F/M, Lucifer is having none of it, Step-Satan, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trixie Espinoza & Lucifer Morningstar Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-23 14:35:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23713063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SK_Kasai/pseuds/SK_Kasai
Summary: She turned to the two culprits, finding them covered in the condiment from head to toe. Lucifer was actuallydrippingketchup into the floor.Wow.“It was her!”“It was him!”Chloe scoffed at the simultaneous yells and the identical pointed fingers and affronted, yet slightly panicked, expressions on their ketchup covered faces.Lucifer wiped some of the ketchup off his face, glaring at her daughter. “It was her fault, Detective.” He declared solemnly, “She got ketchup all over my Burberry!”“It was an accident! Then he started a ketchup war!”
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Dan Espinoza & Trixie Espinoza, Trixie Espinoza & Lucifer Moningstar
Series: The A-Z of One Lucifer Morningstar [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1654774
Comments: 51
Kudos: 425





	K Is For Ketchup

**Author's Note:**

> Credit goes to Chany28 and bdevereaux for this awesome prompt. Here's about 4k words (silly of course) of adorkable Trixie and Step-Satan with a side order of asshole!Dan and guest apprances from our favorite gang. Enjoy!

  
“Urchin, no!”

Oh. _That_ wasn’t a good sign.

Chloe seriously debated turning on her heel and driving away. Lucifer and Trixie spending time together, a very common occurrence as of late, usually yielded a horrible outcome.

Horrible as in the sort of horrible that came along with letting a ten-year-old and the “devil” who, in reality, had less maturity than the aforementioned ten-year-old hang out.

No one got hurt though, Trixie was as safe as could be, and Lucifer was in her house, doing trivial, childish activities with her kid instead of stepping in front of shooters or getting the crap beaten out of him or toeing the line of overdosing on copious amounts of drugs. Admittedly, the occurrence of such things had drastically decreased ever since they got together, but still...

It was worth the headaches of dealing with the two of them. An added bonus was how adorable the two of them were.

Chloe fought the fond smile off of her face as she stood behind the closed kitchen door, hearing them running around, doing who knows what. Another food fight perhaps?

She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath, slipping into instant mom-mode before pushing the door open.

In retrospect, fleeing the place would have probably been a better idea.

Her _entire_ kitchen was splattered in red. Almost.

The cabinets, the floor, the walls… She was about to classify it as one of the most gruesome crime scenes that she had stumbled upon in all of her years as a Detective when she realized that all the red was not blood. There just happened to be a lot of it to spook a person at first glance.

The substance was _ketchup._

Wow.

She turned to the two culprits, finding them covered in the condiment from head to toe. Lucifer was actually _dripping_ ketchup into the floor. 

Wow.

“It was her!”

“It was him!”

Chloe scoffed at the simultaneous yells and the identical pointed fingers and affronted, yet slightly panicked, expressions on their ketchup covered faces.

Lucifer wiped some of the ketchup off his face, glaring at her daughter. “It was her fault, Detective.” He declared solemnly, “She got ketchup all over my Burberry!”

“It was an accident! Then he started a ketchup war!”

“No, I did not!”

“I thought you never lied, Lucifer.” Trixie quipped.

“I do not!” Lucifer exclaimed, indignant. “It was hardly a war.”

“But-”

“Children! Children!” Chloe interrupted, raising a hand placatingly in the air, knowing from experience that the two of them could go on like this for hours, “I didn’t even know we had so much ketchup.”

“We didn’t.” Lucifer informed, “The urchin and I went and bought them.” He pointed to the kitchen table which hosted a ridiculous number pf ketchup bottles of all sizes and shapes. Trust her boyfriend to spend a ridiculous sum on ketchup bottes. Many bottles were open, lined up on the floor. 

“Why?”

“We wanted to figure out what the best ketchup brand is.” Trixie explained, “So we went to the store and bought them all and then Lucifer ordered some more to try them.”

She didn't even know so many brands existed... 

“Why?”

“Because, uh...” Trixie trailed off.

“I was _bored_.” Lucifer exclaimed, “The spawn was bored as well.”

The sheer number of times that she’s heard that excuse… The amount of trouble Lucifer got in at crime scenes and everywhere else because he was bored…

Perhaps allowing the two of them to join alliances was a bad idea. Sometimes, Chloe wondered if life was better when Lucifer was preoccupied with finding something for Trixie to fetch and get away from him.

“Would you like a burger, darling?” Lucifer asked, offering her one of the several burgers stacked on the large plate.

“We made them ourselves because we wanted to try out the ketchup." Trixie piped up, “Like, from scratch, mommy. We made the buns and Lucifer showed me how to make the patties and everything.”

“You spent all day on these?” Chloe laughed.

“Well, we watched Tangled first.” Trixie confessed, “It’s one of Lucifer’s favourites.”

“No, it’s not!” Lucifer snorted, fixing his beyond ruined shirt, “It’s one of the very few that I might actually _tolerate._ ”

“Sure.” Chloe laughed, eyes narrowed. She was doing a horrible job of being furious with the two of them.

“Are you guys going to actually clean this up?”

“How about a burger instead?” Lucifer offered again, giving her his most charming smile.

“I don’t like ketchup.” She politely declined.

“What?” Lucifer stared at her, “How?”

“How what?”

“How can you not like ketchup?” Lucifer frowned, “I’ve seen you eat burgers before.”

“I never eat them with ketchup.”

“You heathen!”

“I just don’t like it.” She defended, laughing at the mortified expression on her partner’s face, “Besides, since when do you eat things that aren’t mostly alcohol or take a lot of effort to pronounce?”

“You wound me." Lucifer declared before turning to Trixie, "Spawn, we’ll have to make her some burgers without ketchup.” Lucifer told her daughter, “I think everyone will be arriving in about an hour, so I shall go wash up.” Lucifer was already making his way upstairs.

“Arriving where?”

“Here of course.” Lucifer answered flippantly, “The offspring and I are organizing a barbecue of sorts.”

“Since when?” Chloe mumbled, amazed.

“Since about 45 minutes ago?” Trixie guessed.

“More like 47 minutes ago.” Lucifer corrected, earning an eye roll from the little girl.

“And why didn’t you consider… I don’t know, telling me about it?”

“We did!” Lucifer replied, “Texted you about it AND sent a message to our group chat. I suppose you must have been driving at the time, Detective.”

She fished out her phone, checking the messages.

There was, indeed, an invite to a barbecue in their backyard. 

“Guys, I left you alone for like… four hours.”

“Four hours and twenty two minutes, love.” Lucifer corrected, just aiming to annoy Trixie, “I’ve organized far more fun gathering in less than the tenth of that time!”

With that declaration, he gave Chloe a ketchup-y kiss on the cheek and Trixie a poke in the forehead before marching away to shower and get ready.

“And the kitchen?” Chloe called out.

  
“Uh, the spawn can do it?”

“Nice try.” Chloe rolled her eyes.

**_*cries in Deckerstar*_ **

Chloe could hardly believe it.

True to his word, there was a barbecue out in their backyard an hour or so after she arrived. It was complete with everything from burgers to steaks, everyone available from their inner circle having been invited. By now, she was almost getting used to Lucifer's impulsiveness and spontaneity. How had he managed to get everyone to turn up though? It was a Saturday, but still.

_"Besides, the urchin was sad." Lucifer explained when she'd went up to change and found him towelling his hair dry, "So I asked her what could possibly cheer her up and this was what she suggested! It isn't even hard to arrange, Detective, honestly. I know a chap who owns a butchery and happens to owe yours truly a few favours and-"_

_She pressed her lips to his, asking him to stop rambling and to get ready. She knew from personal experience the geological eons that he took to style his hair._

As she sat next to Linda, playing with baby Charlie and hearing Ella chatter on about some new movie she’d watched, Chloe wondered if she should try to stop smiling so much. By now, surely everyone thought that she was a loon. However, how could she not smile constantly when everything had been going on well as of late? She watched Trixie talking excitedly to Lucifer as he stood by the grill that he had gotten from… somewhere?

Trixie had never been closer to anyone in her life. Gone were the days she spent worrying over the amount of times that Dan broke her little monkey’s heart. Dan was… complicated. He still let Trixie down every once in a while. Last week had been the most recent. Chloe’s heart clenched when she remembered how much the poor kid had cried when Dan had bailed on coming to her birthday party. Lucifer had spent the entire day consoling her, flying into full-panicked-devil mode and spending that night sleepless as he tossed and turned in their bed.

_“Lucifer? Babe?” She whispered, her hand stroking his shoulder as she tried to get him to roll over towards her, “Are you alright?”_

_“Sorry for waking you, Detective.” He sighed, “That was not my intention.”_

_“It’s fine.” She reassured him, giving him a soft smile when he rolled on his side to face her, “What’s on your mind?”_

_Lucifer looked at her for a long time, his eyes fathomless in the serene darkness of their bedroom._

_“I am not overly fond of absentee fathers.” He mumbled at last, avoiding her eyes._

_“Oh, Lucifer.”_

She’d pulled him into a tight hug, proceeding to cuddle him and whisper ridiculous reassurances in his ear until he finally succumbed into a restless sleep.

All in all, Dan would prove that he had a lot of nerve if he showed up today, especially after all the death glares and the snide remarks Lucifer had been sending his way all week long.

As though he could read her mind, Dan made his way through the garden, taking a seat between her and Ella. He waved at Trixie, sending a fiery glare at Lucifer’s back.

“Asshole.” He sneered.

“Good afternoon to you too, Dan.” She rolled her eyes.

  
“Sorry.” He mumbled half-heartedly, “Hey, everyone.”

“Hey man!” Ella enthused, giving him a hug. Amenadiel began to chat with him soon after that.

Chloe turned back to her devil and her daughter, watching them whisper together as Lucifer flipped some burgers. More often than not, it was as though the two of them were glued at the hip. As of late, Trixie had taken to referring to him as her “Step-Satan”. Lucifer found it hilarious. Somewhere along the line, the adoration that Trixie had for him shifted to become mutual between the two of them despite the trouble Lucifer still had with expressing that.

“He’s really changed.” Linda smiled, following her gaze. 

Chloe returned her smile, her eyes holding nothing but fondness for the great idiot who happened to be the love of her life. He’d cleaned the kitchen up at least.

A while later, food was served. There weren’t any major incidents unless Lucifer fussing over the “correct placement of plates” and forbidding everyone from moving anything on it without his express permission counted as such. He had a few arguments with Amenadiel (quickly diffused by an amused, yet exasperated, Linda) and a near freak-out when Amenadiel thrust Charlie into his arms.

“Detective, I beg you!” Lucifer pleaded, giving her the widest panicked eyes that she’d ever seen, “If you truly love me, save me! It’s slobbering all over me! Detective!!!”

See? Times like these she ought to strangle him. Instead, she just laughed at his ridiculous shenanigans, snapping a few pictures of his melodramatic whining for future blackmail. She sent the pictures to Maze, who had been on a hunt for the past several weeks.

"Detective, did you know that ketchup was used as a medicinal cure in the eighteenth century?" Lucifer asked, already eating his... fourth burger? Damn supernatural metabolism.

"Nope." She shook her head.

"Did you know that ketchup wasn't even originally tomato flavoured?" He continued excitedly, "It was actually made from anchovies, lemons, walnuts, oysters-"

"Dude, ew." Ella wrinkled her nose, "That's repulsive."

Lucifer merely shrugged, "Did you know that you can actually use ketchup to clean things? It can remove tarnish from copper and cleanse all sorts of metals."

"Lucifer, babe, as interesting as those facts are, I don't think ketchup will start magically tasting good to me if I hear them."

"What about if I make you lemon ketchup?"

"That sounds worse." Amenadiel frowned. Ella nodded vigorously.

"Anchovies?"

"Lucifer, you're ruining ketchup." Trixie informed him.

Lucifer huffed, crossing his arms.

"You're also going to ruin your second shirt today." Chloe added, handing him some napkins for the ketchup dripping from his burger.

"What's new?" Dan snorted, " _All_ he does is ruin things."

Lucifer was too busy saving his shirt and answering a question Trixie asked him to hear Dan's quip. Chloe glared at her ex-husband, seated across from her. Linda frowned at him as well. Ella went as far as to elbow him in the ribs.

The rest was good and well. They were all sitting around, drinking and talking, the sun almost ready to set. Amenadiel and Linda had just excused themselves, wanting to go back home with their son. Trixie was still lingering by Lucifer’s side. The two of them had cleared the plates and brought out refreshments, serious in organizing the event.

Chloe didn’t like all the whispers, mischievous winks, and secret glances that the two had been sharing all afternoon though. Lucifer also seemed to be reassuring her daughter about something.

She was about to ask what that was all about when Trixie called her father over. Dan levelled Lucifer with a glare, mumbling something about delusional bastards before getting up.

“Dan, just stop harassing him, okay?” Chloe sighed, grabbing her ex-husband’s forearm as he rose up from his chair, “He’s been through enough, you know.”

Dan just gave her an incredulous look, opening his mouth to probably insult Lucifer more. Before he could speak, Trixie called him again. He looked between Chloe and his daughter before sighing and walking away.

Now, Chloe had no idea what happened per se.

She watched Trixie explain something to Dan after Lucifer encouraged her and walked away. Dan seemed to… refuse? Disagree? Trixie’s face crumbled and her shoulders hunched. Although the little girl usually tried to avoid crying in public these days, Chloe could see tears already glistening in her eyes. She was nodding though and giving her father a smile as he talked. 

Chloe, who had been observing the whole thing, was about to get up and go interfere. She had reached her limits with Dan’s “douchey” ways, as Lucifer called them. Ever since Lucifer’s return and Charlotte’s untimely demise before that, Dan had returned to neglecting his paternal duties to their daughter. It reminded her of the months leading up to their divorce and then the countless times that Dan seemingly existed to prove that their divorce was a necessity despite how against it he'd been.

Lucifer had been watching the whole thing from where he was cleaning the grill. She glanced at her boyfriend, noticing how his eyes flashed scarlet several times in succession. He was standing behind Dan, observing the entire exchange between father and daughter.

Apparently, Lucifer had enough.

He dropped the sponge in his hands and wiped them on a dish-towel that he’d slung over his shoulder. The devil marched to her ex-husband, fury blazing through his face. Lucifer tapped the man on the shoulder expectantly, sneering.

Dan turned around, some insult or another already on his tongue. Lucifer wasn’t having any of it. Before Dan even had the time to open his mouth, her boyfriend delivered a swift punch to his nose. Dan roared in anger, his hand flying to his face. His nose was already bleeding. 

Lucifer wasn’t done.

He was whispering something to Dan and Chloe just knew that look. It was the one that rendered ice-cold whispers and muted threats a million times more nightmarish than yelling could ever be.

Dan lunged at Lucifer.

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer dodged in a show of his impeccable grace. He leaned down, grabbing a bucket that was set by one of the trees. He tipped the contents of the large bucket on Dan’s head, grinning, the grin clashing with the fire in his gaze to give him a truly malicious visage.

Within a few seconds, Dan was drenched in… ketchup?

Lucifer laughed, throwing the metallic bucket at Dan and sneering something.

And just… wow. That's where Lucifer and Trixie had emptied all the "unworthy" bottles and the ones they'd already opened for tasting, wasn't it? Lucifer shook the bucket several times the thick substance lazily drenching Dan.

She hurried up, shaking herself out of her stupor. Ella followed, hot on her heels. In the short time it took them to reach the two fighting men, Dan somehow managed to get Lucifer to lose his balance. Lucifer fell and banged his head against a bulging tree root.

“Hey! Hey! Guys!” Ella exclaimed, coming to stand between them, and placing a calming hand on Dan’s chest.

Chloe detoured to her boyfriend, suddenly angry at Dan.

It was stupid and unfair. She was probably being hypocritical. But how could she not? Neither she, nor her daughter, were able to comprehend the thought of Lucifer in any pain, minimal as it may seem. Lucifer had repeatedly referred to their sentiment as “ridiculous” and “unnecessary” but she wasn’t blind to the way his eyes became shiny every time they reminded him. It wasn't as though he hadn't suffered enough.

“Are you alright?” Chloe asked, leaning down by his side, her hands already cradling his head, searching for any noticeable damage.

“Seriously?” Dan fumed, wiping the ketchup that was dripping from his hair to his face with his hand, “You’re both checking on him?”

“Lucifer?” Trixie asked, beyond worried.

“Perfectly fine, urchin.” He smiled, allowing Trixie to help him up, more for her sake than his. “Just tripped and fell, ‘s all.”

“Tripped and fell?” Dan seethed, Ella still holding him still, trying to calm him down to no avail, “Is that what you call someone beating your ass?”

“Oh, and you’re happy going around fighting people, Dan?” Chloe challenged, looping an arm around Lucifer’s waist and pulling him to her side. She knew that he would take it as a wordless request to not attack Dan. Trixie was rapidly glued to Lucifer’s side too, hugging his waist and glaring at her father.

“He’s the one who started it!” Dan shouted, “He’s the one who thinks he can just stroll into people’s lives and make everything turn to shit! He stole you, Chloe, and then my daughter! He killed Charlotte! He left you, _both of you,_ and you cried about it for _months._ Then just mysteriously comes back and you just welcome him with open arms! He just… Chaos and destruction follow him everywhere he goes and you all seem blind to it. How long do you think it’ll be before he gets bored and leaves again? You and our daughter are playing house with him! You let him get away with everything! I mean, he thinks he’s the _devil_ for fuck’s sake! He’s insane, but even he knows that he’s just some evil monster who only hurts anyone stupid enough to come close to him and-”

Chloe slapped him.

She moved without even remembering ever intending to, slapping her ex-husband with a resonating, loud smack. 

“How dare you?” She fumed, feeling her hands trembling with rage.

Dan, of all people, knew Lucifer. He’s the one who told her about how Lucifer had described himself when he put a hit on himself all that time ago. He… How dare he throw those things in Lucifer’s face? How dare he call him insane? Call him a monster? Didn’t Dan know the kind of effect that those words would have on the other man?

 _Gets bored and leaves again…_ Dan didn’t know _anything._ No one saw Lucifer as perfect. The point of loving someone, to Chloe at least, was to love and accept _all_ of them, bad things and all.

“Come on.” Ella ordered, beginning to drag Dan away, “Not cool, dude.”

She seemed angry too. She held Dan’s gaze for a while, whispering something to him in Spanish to get him to follow her.

When had everything gone wrong?

“He’s just being stupid, Lucifer.” Trixie consoled, “He doesn’t even know half the things he’s talking about. Don’t be sad...”

“I’m not sad, you urchin.” Lucifer rolled his eyes, giving Trixie a smile.

But Chloe could see it in his eyes. In his clenched fists. In the tight lines around his mouth.

Dan had no idea what effect his words would have, did he? That was the theory that Chloe wanted to go with anyway. Thinking that Dan said all those on purpose… It was too much.

She sighed, letting some of her anger dissipate.

“I apologize for ruining our impromptu barbecue, Detective.” Lucifer sighed, uncharacteristically allowing Trixie to continue holding on to him, “But the Douche… You should have heard how he was talking to Beatrice!”

“Lucifer-”

“He dismissed her and informed her that he had a lot of work so he couldn’t attend the mini-party that she was going to host next week when the whole point of it is for him to be there! He told her to stop whining and that he'd already showed up today! I mean, Detective, I understand that he is inherently a douche, but this is preposterous! The urchin doesn’t deserve that! No child deserves that! Being ditched and ignored by a parent is just… It’s just...”

And there he was, standing in the sweltering heat, shirt tainted with dirt and grease, a rapidly forming bump on his temple. There he was, going into a furious rant that left him breathless because he couldn’t bare to see her daughter suffer the shadow of what he’d suffered all that time ago.

“Lucifer,” she cautioned, placing her hands on his shoulders, “I need you to breathe for me, okay?”

She pulled the fuming man into a hug, smiling a little bit when her oddly silent daughter joined in.

“It’s… simply unjust.” Lucifer mumbled, burying his nose in her hair and wrapping an arm around Trixie’s shoulders.

“I know.” Chloe whispered, stroking his back.

It wasn’t fair.

It was one of the things that she hated seeing her daughter go through. She had always been helpless to stop it though. She’d talked to Dan a million times about this, before and after the divorce. He’d ceased ignoring Trixie in favour of spending some time with the little girl for a while. Now though… It was worse than ever.

Dan was going through some hard stuff and she should probably do something about Lucifer’s behaviour. Then again, how could she? How could she possibly reprimand the devil when all he was doing was what she had been wanting to do for years? When he was still trembling in her arms, angry on her little monkey’s behalf? When he hadn’t even reacted when Dan insulted him?

He’d punched Dan for upsetting Trixie. On the other hand, he’d simply stood there while Dan essentially stood there throwing Lucifer’s insecurities and worst fears in his face.

Sometimes, she had no idea what she was going to do with him.

“Thank you, Lucifer.” Trixie mumbled, still a bit subdued.

“Urchin, there is absolutely _nothing_ for you to thank me for.”

“How about we go watch a movie?” Chloe suggested, knowing that that had the potential to cheer her two favourite people up.

It was a perfect plan. 

Perfect excuse for her and Trixie to cuddle Lucifer, check. 

Perfect for distracting both of them, check.

Perfect for joking and relaxing, check.

Perfect for allowing Trixie to fall asleep and calm down, check.

“Would it be one of the offspring’s ghastly animated movies?” Lucifer inquired half-heartedly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Yesterday you said that you wanted to re-watch _Zootopia!_ ” Trixie suddenly exclaimed.

“No, I did not!”

But Trixie had already broken away from their little group hug to go set up the movie.

“I did not say that.” Lucifer scoffed, pulling away slightly, “I hate _all_ of her silly animated movies.”

“Of course you do.” Chloe laughed, shaking her head.

“Detective! The devil does _not_ enjoy watching those poor excuses for entertainment.”

“He defends little girls though.” She grinned, “He’s basically wrapped around their little finger.”

“Not all little girls.” Lucifer huffed, smiling, “Just one.”

How could she possibly not kiss him after that?

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is interested, the upcoming promos which I've written/already started writing  
> _L Is For Lock Down (after an accident at a bio lab, Chloe gets stuck in a week long quarantine with the most annoying partner on Earth- just a funny Deckerstar prompt because imagining my favourite characters getting stuck inside like I am made me laugh)  
> _M Is For Motherhood (Lucifer doesn't understand why Chloe cares for her daughter so much. His mother was nothing like that.) 
> 
> Suggest anything after that if you like and have a nice day, wonderful people!


End file.
